“Heroic helplessness.” “Incorrigibility.” This is a brilliant paragraph. I’ve recently read about aging, middle age into old age. I’ve read about it in other blogs, and I’ve just finished “State Of Wonder,” by Ann Patchett, a novel which has a lot to say about the human condition and the inescapable consequences of aging. — John
Age is truly a time of heroic helplessness. One is confronted by one’s own incorrigibility. I am always saying to myself, “Look at you, and after a lifetime of trying.” I still have the vices that I have known and struggled with— well it seems like since birth. Many of them are modified , but not much. I can neither order nor command the hubbub of my mind. Or is it my nervous sensibility? This is not the effect of age; age only defines one’s boundaries. Life has changed me greatly, it has improved me greatly, but it has also left me practically the same. I cannot spell, I am over critical, egocentric and vulnerable. I cannot be simple. In my effort to be clear I become complicated. I know my faults so well that I pay them small heed. They are stronger than I am. They are me.
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Say I, “It ain’t over till it’s over.”
I am looking for new vices, myself. I long ago decided to save marijuana for my sixtyish decade only to find I have no desire to smoke anything. What ever can take its place?
My worst vice used to be beardless young men. Now it’s probably vivid narrative, in a deadlock with late afternoon power naps. Something more pungent must be poised to take first place.
It ain’t over. I concur. I’m considering taking up marijuana as a vice myself, once they decriminalize it. But I’m not crazy about the smoke or the smell either. An alternative to consider is hallucinogenic mushrooms. If you read Ann Patchett’s “State of Wonder,” you’ll get a high-octane dose of vivid narrative, plus you might become interested in mushrooms.