Americans worship at the altar of BUSINESS.

The faith was renewed at the Republican Convention. Nearly every speaker gave praise to BUSINESS, voicing both devotion and reverence. Blessed be BUSINESS.

The delegates, all devout practitioners of BUSINESS, rose to their feet and clapped their hands in spontaneous outbursts of adoration. Many are converts from the wretched status of employee. They were more than willing to  share their testimony — how they broke free from the chains of sin and employment, overcame great adversity, and gained salvation through BUSINESS.

Speaker after speaker repeated variations on the central dogma, that everything good  flows from BUSINESS. Only those who join the church of BUSINESS and diligently practice BUSINESS shall be blessed with prosperity all their days. Their children and their children’s children shall inherit the riches of the Earth. Nor shall they fear the Death Tax.

Lest there be doubters, all present affirmed that only BUSINESS can save America. Only BUSINESS can create jobs!

Great financiers and CEOs, such as Mitt Romney, are the high priests of BUSINESS on Earth. Admiration is also accorded the acolytes of BUSINESS, the men and women who practice SMALL BUSINESS. A special place of honor is reserved for the successful and the wealthy, for they are called JOB CREATORS.

Thou shall not tax BUSINESS, nor impose any regulations on BUSINESS.

After four days and four nights, the great Republican Convention adjourned, and the delegates went forth to spread the faith throughout America, to slay unions, and convert the masses of the poor and middle-class to belief in BUSINESS.

Any who refuse to hear the word of BUSINESS and believe, they shall be denied the right to vote. In the last days, the non believers will be swept away by a flood of campaign finance, and cast out into the  real world of unending toil and grinding poverty.

— John Hayden

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